Crabby Old Men

Went to a doctor recently and found that I need 'minor' surgery to correct tear duct drainage. Went through the preliminary paperwork screening. When asked if my health was excellent, good, or poor I blew a gasket.

"Look, I'm in a doctor's office arranging for minor surgery and you ask the condition of my health. I'm using a left hip that isn't mine; go every three months to see if a bladder tumor has returned; have had cataract lens implants, my tonsils are gone, wear a bridge on the upper teeth, wear glasses,have had shingles, and I could give other personal deficiencies but won't. However I'm almost 89 years of age; arrived at this office on my own and on time; have outlived most of my friends who were athletes; and still able to recognize and respond to stupid questions. Buzzards are not circling overhead therefore I determine that my health is excellent."

Glad no one checked my blood pressure at that moment.

I think that I will print out that spiel and the next time some inquiring mind jumps the 'no call list' and starts a telephone conversation with "Hello, how are you today?" I'll reply with: "It's obvious that you don't know me and don't give a tinker's whoop how I feel. However since you have inquired I have the authority to tell you."

After reciting what I have had I will then read a list of ailments that I have not had. After that I will 'thanks for calling' and say that I am hanging up because this is the day that my wife is expecting a call from Publishers' Clearing House telling her that she is now a millionaire. CLICK.

It seems as though there is almost daily warfare with those who Murphy's Law to the ineffective level of incompetence, and are shielded with arrogance. The habitat is in areas requiring contact with crabby oldsters; thus leading to crabbier oldsters.