Management, Greasy Spoon Cafe
0 WhereEver Drive
North Jebru, AR 7xxxx
Hi Guys:
This happened today at noon at the Greasy Spoon Cafe:
Greeter: 'Hi Guys. You Guys follow me.'
Waiter: 'Hi Guys, I'm mumble, mumble, what can I get you Guys to drank?
OK Guys-be right back.'
Waiter: 'OK Guys hereyer dranks. You Guys made up your mind yet what you Guys want to eat? Scribble, scribble. Ok Guys-be right back.' (So as not to bore you Guys, I'm omitting the three other 'you Guys' thrown out with reckless abandon.)
As we departed the Greeter turned Exiter bade us a fond farewell with 'You guys have a good day.'
Perhaps some of you management guys should hop down to Books a Million and let one of the guys there sell you guys a thesaurus. Perhaps you guys on the training staff will find another term for customers beside "GUYS".
Gee, Guys, what is wrong with just "You"? e.g.: How are you? Have you decided on your order? etc. etc.
Thanks for listening, Guys. and pass the Pepto-Bismol. The food is still good in spite of the distractions listed above.
Sincerely
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Get Organized Month
Received an email stating that January was the National Get Organized Month. How sad it is to look at a desk that is neat and tidy. To see a clean desk gives no challenge to 'clean up this mess'. Secondly it eliminates the body exercise of placing extended hands, fingers thrust downward, upon a mass of papers to divine the location of an errant pen or pencil. And lost too is the mental-physical gymnastics required to mentally sort out and extract that piece of paper needed to meet a deadline. It takes an orderly mind to achieve order from disorder.
To show an attempt to enforce orderliness I return to the college years at the Psi Eta Pi fraternity house. After typing a term paper with several sections (this is before a PC computer filing system), I scattered the various pages in selected places around the room -chair, bookcase, floor, on top of shoes, and any other available spot of convenience. My next step meant collating the material into logical order. A requirement known as 'class attendance' intervened .
Upon returning from class I entered the room and into the middle of chaos. My strewn papers had vanished from around the room. On the desk was a neat stack of papers - the layering in random order. I had received a fringe benefit for living at the Psi Eta Pi fraternity house - the 'house-boy' ran the vacuum in my room on that day. This was his "Get Organized Day".
Mal was the 'house-boy'. In retrospect I do believe that Mal was a test case to support the passage of Murphy's Law.
'House-boy' is the term that the Census notes as his occupation. Today the term is 'house attendant' or 'home technician' or some other status enhancing,ill-defining term. Mal was proud that he was a veteran of WWI. He told me once that he had been shot in the Argonne (a vicious WWI battle site). In a joking way I asked if that were near the appendix. He said :"Just above it." A few days later he showed me his Honorable Discharge from the US Army. The reverse side reads: "Wounds received in service: None."
Too bad my room couldn't say the same thing.
To show an attempt to enforce orderliness I return to the college years at the Psi Eta Pi fraternity house. After typing a term paper with several sections (this is before a PC computer filing system), I scattered the various pages in selected places around the room -chair, bookcase, floor, on top of shoes, and any other available spot of convenience. My next step meant collating the material into logical order. A requirement known as 'class attendance' intervened .
Upon returning from class I entered the room and into the middle of chaos. My strewn papers had vanished from around the room. On the desk was a neat stack of papers - the layering in random order. I had received a fringe benefit for living at the Psi Eta Pi fraternity house - the 'house-boy' ran the vacuum in my room on that day. This was his "Get Organized Day".
Mal was the 'house-boy'. In retrospect I do believe that Mal was a test case to support the passage of Murphy's Law.
'House-boy' is the term that the Census notes as his occupation. Today the term is 'house attendant' or 'home technician' or some other status enhancing,ill-defining term. Mal was proud that he was a veteran of WWI. He told me once that he had been shot in the Argonne (a vicious WWI battle site). In a joking way I asked if that were near the appendix. He said :"Just above it." A few days later he showed me his Honorable Discharge from the US Army. The reverse side reads: "Wounds received in service: None."
Too bad my room couldn't say the same thing.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Catskill Eagle
If I make a list of my ten favorite books Moby Dick by Herman Melville is not among them. When the list expands to a hundred favorite books, Moby Dick's fate will not change. However I place it in the top ten of the most forgettable.
The mystery writer Robert B. Parker uses 'A Catskill Eagle" from Moby Dick as a book title and a background theme in a Spenser novel.. Out of the depths of Moby Dick soars a segment which I jotted down for my 'memory bank'.
There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces. And even if he for ever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar.
Even so the book Moby Dick does not soar so high with me.
On another theme my apologies to Dr. Samuel Johnson , author of the "The Dictionary" , : who wrote about retirement: "Exert your talents and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. I hate a fellow who from pride or cowardice or laziness drives himself into a corner, and then does nothing but sit and growl. Let him come out, as I do, and bark."
I apologize because out of sheer laziness or ineptness I omitted the location of the quote when I first made note of it. Using Dr. Johnson as a retirement guide, from time to time I do put down the crossword puzzle and come out and bark.
The mystery writer Robert B. Parker uses 'A Catskill Eagle" from Moby Dick as a book title and a background theme in a Spenser novel.. Out of the depths of Moby Dick soars a segment which I jotted down for my 'memory bank'.
There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces. And even if he for ever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar.
Even so the book Moby Dick does not soar so high with me.
On another theme my apologies to Dr. Samuel Johnson , author of the "The Dictionary" , : who wrote about retirement: "Exert your talents and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. I hate a fellow who from pride or cowardice or laziness drives himself into a corner, and then does nothing but sit and growl. Let him come out, as I do, and bark."
I apologize because out of sheer laziness or ineptness I omitted the location of the quote when I first made note of it. Using Dr. Johnson as a retirement guide, from time to time I do put down the crossword puzzle and come out and bark.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Another Crabby Old Man Story
Had a phone call from old friend Eric in Dallas. We exchanged latest health misgivings and I recited my pre-op interrogation. He topped it. Eric is legally blind. When errands are necessary his yard worker becomes the driver. The yard worker obtained a driver's license via the driver's non-language test. Recently he drove Eric to the eye doctor and led him into the waiting area.
The receptionist placed two papers in Eric's hands.
"What are these papers for?" asked Eric.
"You will have to review them and update them by hand," was the helpful reply.
Eric handed them back and said: "If these are my records there is a statement that I am legally blind. That means I can't see to check them. Just call me when it is my turn for the doctor."
Murphy's Law is still active.
The receptionist placed two papers in Eric's hands.
"What are these papers for?" asked Eric.
"You will have to review them and update them by hand," was the helpful reply.
Eric handed them back and said: "If these are my records there is a statement that I am legally blind. That means I can't see to check them. Just call me when it is my turn for the doctor."
Murphy's Law is still active.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Crabby Old Men
Went to a doctor recently and found that I need 'minor' surgery to correct tear duct drainage. Went through the preliminary paperwork screening. When asked if my health was excellent, good, or poor I blew a gasket.
"Look, I'm in a doctor's office arranging for minor surgery and you ask the condition of my health. I'm using a left hip that isn't mine; go every three months to see if a bladder tumor has returned; have had cataract lens implants, my tonsils are gone, wear a bridge on the upper teeth, wear glasses,have had shingles, and I could give other personal deficiencies but won't. However I'm almost 89 years of age; arrived at this office on my own and on time; have outlived most of my friends who were athletes; and still able to recognize and respond to stupid questions. Buzzards are not circling overhead therefore I determine that my health is excellent."
Glad no one checked my blood pressure at that moment.
I think that I will print out that spiel and the next time some inquiring mind jumps the 'no call list' and starts a telephone conversation with "Hello, how are you today?" I'll reply with: "It's obvious that you don't know me and don't give a tinker's whoop how I feel. However since you have inquired I have the authority to tell you."
After reciting what I have had I will then read a list of ailments that I have not had. After that I will 'thanks for calling' and say that I am hanging up because this is the day that my wife is expecting a call from Publishers' Clearing House telling her that she is now a millionaire. CLICK.
It seems as though there is almost daily warfare with those who Murphy's Law to the ineffective level of incompetence, and are shielded with arrogance. The habitat is in areas requiring contact with crabby oldsters; thus leading to crabbier oldsters.
"Look, I'm in a doctor's office arranging for minor surgery and you ask the condition of my health. I'm using a left hip that isn't mine; go every three months to see if a bladder tumor has returned; have had cataract lens implants, my tonsils are gone, wear a bridge on the upper teeth, wear glasses,have had shingles, and I could give other personal deficiencies but won't. However I'm almost 89 years of age; arrived at this office on my own and on time; have outlived most of my friends who were athletes; and still able to recognize and respond to stupid questions. Buzzards are not circling overhead therefore I determine that my health is excellent."
Glad no one checked my blood pressure at that moment.
I think that I will print out that spiel and the next time some inquiring mind jumps the 'no call list' and starts a telephone conversation with "Hello, how are you today?" I'll reply with: "It's obvious that you don't know me and don't give a tinker's whoop how I feel. However since you have inquired I have the authority to tell you."
After reciting what I have had I will then read a list of ailments that I have not had. After that I will 'thanks for calling' and say that I am hanging up because this is the day that my wife is expecting a call from Publishers' Clearing House telling her that she is now a millionaire. CLICK.
It seems as though there is almost daily warfare with those who Murphy's Law to the ineffective level of incompetence, and are shielded with arrogance. The habitat is in areas requiring contact with crabby oldsters; thus leading to crabbier oldsters.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Peconditas
"Think of a number from one to ten."
"PECONDITAS" immediately comes to mind. It was the key to coding the price tag on the merchandise in my father's store. Before WWII Arrow shirts sold for $2.00; Oxford Cloth $2.25; Stetson "Open Road' hats $5.00, Stratoliner with a wider brim $6.00
The clerk's optic nerve was the scanner for the price tag. Thus on the $2.00 shirt the label PNXS translated into $15.50 per dozen - yes dozen - 12. The X meant that the preceding number was repeated.
Recalling that dredges up a specific scene in the store. For display sweaters were neatly stacked in removable trays in shelves according to size and style. This particular day Fritz the clerk had at least two trays of sweaters spread out on the counter to show to an undecided customer. Finally the customer said that she was 'looking for her father". At this point Fritz said "My goodness, Lady, if he came in with you he must be somewhere under this pile."
History will show that Fritz did not have the opportunity to scan the 'peconditas' derivative at that time.
"PECONDITAS" immediately comes to mind. It was the key to coding the price tag on the merchandise in my father's store. Before WWII Arrow shirts sold for $2.00; Oxford Cloth $2.25; Stetson "Open Road' hats $5.00, Stratoliner with a wider brim $6.00
The clerk's optic nerve was the scanner for the price tag. Thus on the $2.00 shirt the label PNXS translated into $15.50 per dozen - yes dozen - 12. The X meant that the preceding number was repeated.
Recalling that dredges up a specific scene in the store. For display sweaters were neatly stacked in removable trays in shelves according to size and style. This particular day Fritz the clerk had at least two trays of sweaters spread out on the counter to show to an undecided customer. Finally the customer said that she was 'looking for her father". At this point Fritz said "My goodness, Lady, if he came in with you he must be somewhere under this pile."
History will show that Fritz did not have the opportunity to scan the 'peconditas' derivative at that time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
