Let There Be Light

Read somewhere that at the point of sale the buyer enters the realm of lunacy. Perhaps in my case it is going further into that state of senility.  I needed a new computer monitor like a moose needs a hat rack.  So I got one anyway.  At home I disconnected old reliable and prepared the new one for installation. All hooked up and gave it power. No bells - no whistles - no lights.  There had to be an On gizmo somewhere. None indicated on the direction sheet. Looked at the dark screen with regret.

Called the 800 number and went through the usual blind aural alleys until, I reached the 'elevator music'.
Finally a human voice and explained the set-up, the dark screen etc.  

"Do you see the logo on the lower front? Good. It is on the right  from the logo. Just push on it."

"I pushed on the front near the right end. Nothing happened."

"You talk to my supervisor."

More elevator music.

Finally a human voice and explained the set-up, the dark screen etc.

"Do you see the logo on the lower front? Good. It is on the right from the logo. Just push on it."

"I pushed on the front near the right end. Nothing happened."

"What you should do is going on to the internet at " xxx.com" and it will tell you what is wrong."

"THAT IS MOST STUPID STATEMENT I EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!  I'm sitting here with a blank screen and you are telling me to go on the internet to find out what is wrong. "

Returned the monitor to the store and made a fool out of myself as well as verifying the inadequacy of two tech reps.  The "On" button was underneath the front on the right from the logo.

Guess the moral of the story is there are three people who don't know which end is down.

Suggest  the application of the following screening  to any political material, oral or written.

-- Forward-looking statements generally can be identified by the use of forward-looking terminology such as "trends," "assumptions," "target," "guidance," "outlook," "opportunity," "future," "plans," "goals," "objectives," "expectations," "near-term," "long-term," "projection," "may," "will," "would," "could," "expect," "intend," "estimate," "anticipate," "believe," "potential," "regular," "should," "projects," "forecasts," or "continue" (or the negative or other derivatives of each of these terms) or similar terminology and include the expected effects of operational improvement initiatives.

 

SENIORITIS

One time my father-in-law was reflecting on his current status. "We old ginks are lucky. We can wear any combination of clothes and the younger ones will think 'Oh well, that just goes with the age.'

Wonder if that applies to spontaneous verbal comments that pop out at unguarded moments.  Last evening the waiter approached the table and to start the ordering ritual asked 'Are you thirsty?'

What a setup!  The imp with the pitchfork whispered in my ear to urge me on. I smiled at the waiter and said 'Thirsty? No, my name is'
 and gave him the handle I have carried since birth.

He spent the rest of the serving time looking for the attendants from the 'Looney Bin'.

Culture Shock

Culture shock is disturbing and especially at the young age of nine. One Friday night our family went to a movie at THE theater 'overtown'. [For some reason 'Southsiders' went 'overtown' to the business district - those living in the north, east and west sides went 'downtown'.] THE theater was not like the neighborhood theater where Mrs Hennessey played fast 'chase music' on the piano while Tom Mix galloped after the bad guys wearing the black hats. She changed tunes to keep up with the action on the screen including background for the film dialog on the screen. I think her repertoire was "Moonlight and Roses" and "William Tell Overture".

Screen picture: Tom Mix astride Tony his horse; a posse in the background.
Screen dialog: "Which way did they go ?"
Screen picture: Posse pointing to the left
Screen dialog: "They went thataway"
Screen picture: Tom Mix astride Tony his horse
Screen dialog: "Go get them, Posse, I'm going this way."
Screen picture: Tom Mix riding off to the right; posse to the left.


The theater overtown had an organist who played the background music on a golden pipe organ.It was fun because I could practice my reading as the dialogue flashed on the screen and at the same time hear the organ music rumbling or moaning in the background..

The main show ended; curtains slid over the screen; up houselights; the organist gave a brief recital; took a bow; houselights dimmed. The curtains parted ; music oozed from the screen accompanying an actor strolling across it. Facing the audience, he smiled and then spoke - honestly! I kid you not - he spoke out loud! His words are still etched in whatever remaining (and working) part of my brain is responsible for trivia storage.

"Hello, I'm Conrad Nagel and I will soon be coming to you on this screen in this theeayter, in talk and sound. I'm looking forward to seeing you here."

That was the most scary thing I had ever seen up to this point. Worse than a personal interview with Miss Stone, the school principal.

The curtains closed, UP houselights and I sat in a semi-tilted theater seat
--still shaking like the proverbial leaf. It was like having a front row seat at the dawn of creation.

The General's Cup and Company

DISCLAIMER: Louis XVI is not arising from the cup!

The cup has survived two wars. There was a note on a card in the cup which stated "Presented to Mrs. W. E. Ralph (my grandmother) by Mr. M. H. Ganun - found by him during the Civil War in a Masonic Hall in the South -(either Georgia or Alabama) with an inscription that the cup came from England in 16- was used as a drinking cup all thro' the Revolutionary War by General Merrion (Marion?) - was then used by Mr. Ganun to drink his coffee from for two years in the Civil War."Without going into a source history I showed the cup to a Dallas dealer of antiques who was conducting a class at SMU. His quote was: "You have a real find - it is English Lusterware 16th-17th century."

Michael H. Ganun was a corporal in the 2d Regiment Veteran Cavalry. He served in the Southern Campaign from February 1864 to November 8, 1865. Census records show him as a 'Bridle Maker'.

The Cup is a token memory of my Patriot Ancestor Joseph Beard, a Minute Man in the Lexington Alarm, April 20, 1775. Fortunately Patriot Beard was a day late in arriving at what was the scene of battle.

Tooth and Consequences

Have often heard dentists referred to as 'Plumbers'. Today I discovered a reasonable comparison between the profession and trade.

While reclining in the dentist chair for a 'resin composite-1s, posterior' - I thought I was getting a filling - the dentist
said "Please close your eyes."

While my eyes were shut my memory tuned in on a hot, humid, Texas Fourth of July when the plumbing went on a vacation. A call to a plumber was imperative. Upon arrival with his satchel of tools he acknowledged that his price was high on holidays. Looking at me he continued: 'The husband is at home and he sees how easy it is to make plumbing repairs so we don't get to come back again.'

What I didn't tell him was that he was called because the husband with a plus 10 in Mechanical Ineptitude was at home and thought the repair was going to be easy.

When the dentist finished his repair work I told him the story about the plumber. Then I added "And that is the same reason you wanted me to close my eyes during the procedure."

Last of the Big Spenders

As I started to pull out of the restaurant parking space, a senior citizen driving an older Buick crept to a halt and stopped almost behind me.
The driver s l o w l y left his vehicle. Continuing the same gait, ambled to the middle of the vacant parking spot next to us. With great effort the gentleman
s
t
o
o
p
e
d
down
and picked up

a dime!


g s l o w l y he reversed the process and drove away.
n
i
s
i
r
A


He probably recovered his tip money he had left in the restaurant.